December 2016 – Modern Parents Magazine

Discipline: One Size Does Not Fit All

I overheard my 12-year old son exclaim to a friend that he “just wished everyone in school would disappear!” My initial response as the parent of a mild-tempered pre-teen boy was a chuckle of general understanding. However, my post analysis was that of a researcher of youth and discipline. My mind raced through the piles of claims made by many parents of mild-tempered youth and children who, they too, could never have imagined being disconnected from a school or familial institution, or worse, homicidal.

The wave of school violence in the U.S. has devastated the nation, causing extensive dialogue between parents, schools and youth in the 20th and 21st centuries. All parties have sought to define discipline collectively and establish effective disciplinary methods.

A challenge in the quest to establish effective disciplinary methods is due to the widespread misconception of discipline for children and youth. Too much punitive discipline yields harsh responses to unpleasant behavior. Discipline is most accurately defined as training expected to produce a specific moral or mental character or pattern of behavior. But, are schools and parents progressing in discovering disciplinary methods that will coincide with this definition of discipline? As a result of years of dialogue, numerous policies (such as the Safe and Drug Free Schools Act and Zero Tolerance), along with the historically overused consequences of suspensions and expulsions, have remained preferred disciplinary methods. Some parents have chosen to mimic these methods of discipline in the home, presuming that schools have an authoritative command of effective discipline. Parents must become informed of the weaknesses and problems associated with “push away” forms of discipline.

The Problem Lies at the End

The principle problem with the concepts of suspension and expulsion (or “sent away” from a home environment) is that these are means of further disconnecting youth who have already accepted a marginal status in society. These specific children and youth have become committed to rebelling against and ridding themselves of the institutions that they feel have failed them. While striving to rid themselves of familial and school organizations, they are not affected by being “pushed away” at this point. Rejection interventions are employed reactively to poor training as opposed to proactively training for a specific undesirable behavior.

Hence, aligned with the definition of discipline, the preferred disciplinary methods should be those that ensure productive moral and psychological training before the disconnection between youth and family and school institutions emerges. The concept of training before disconnection implies that disciplinary problems evolve in an escalating process. Children do not abruptly choose to hate those who care for them. If discipline enlists training throughout the process, constructive discipline will occur.

In our next issue, Dr. Johnson will discuss the solution process.

Guide to Student Success

Today’s middle school students are receiving more homework, which means they need more than ever to develop and hone their organization and time management skills. The best way to support homework efforts is to help children design a framework within which they can do their best work with an increasing degree of independence:

Be prepared.

Assume your children will have studying to do every night and work with them to create a comfortable, distraction-free homework zone.

Understand teachers’ policies and expectations.

Encourage your children to ask their teachers questions, reminding them that an in-person visit before or after school is often most effective.

Be available and teach by example.

Check in with your children while they work, offering to be a sounding board or source of advice. Help them cope with feelings of failure or frustration.

Identify other resources.

Encourage your children to find homework buddies, and do not hesitate to line up extra support if needed. Get to know the guidance counselors and other school employees. Education support professionals generally know all of the students in the school, and their relationship with your children will continue as they move from one grade to the next. Consider taking advantage of the many technology-based tools and educational software titles now available.

Stay in touch with your children’s teachers.

If teachers have access to e-mail, it can be an effective way to maintain regular contact in addition to telephone calls and in-person visits. Let teachers know of any home issues that may affect academic performance or needs.

Inspire learning outside school.

Nurture your children’s personal interests, perhaps finding activities that parallel what they’re studying in school, thus fostering their enthusiasm for learning as a life-long endeavor. National Education Association and LeapFrog

DR. DONALDO BATISTE SUPERINTENDENT- Waukegan Public Schools

Moments before his mad dash to an all too familiar school board meeting, Dr. Donaldo Batiste took a few moments from his busy schedule to speak to us on the importance of education and parenting.

MODERN PARENTS Magazine: What was your favorite educational experience, or experiences, as a child?

Superintendent Batiste: As a child, I vividly remember from pre-school age to high school, always wanting to be a teacher. Our family was reared in the rural south (Gray, LA), and as such, we did not have television until I was 7 years old (second grade). Being the seventh of eight children in my family, our greatest pastime was being read to by our parents and by our older brothers and sisters. Needless to say, each of them espoused being the teacher when they read to us. I always was impatient until the time would come and I could be the teacher and read to my siblings. I will never forget…it was the day before Thanksgiving in 1958 (before I entered formal schooling in August, 1959) when I was granted the opportunity to read to my parents because I insisted that I could. I can still see the incredulous looks on both their faces. I don’t know who was more excited that I could read, I or them?! It was from that humble beginning that my insatiable appetite for reading and teaching were given wings. To this date, I still recognize this beginning as my favorite educational experience as a child.

MPM: How did your parents send the message that education was a priority in your home?

Batiste: My parents, who never completed high school, but did complete the highest grades required of them at those times (third grade for father and fifth grade for mother), always placed priority on their children being educated and allowed to enjoy the finer things in life. This they did by ensuring that each child attended school daily. Of the eight of us, seven of us graduated from high school with perfect attendance. My sister, who did not have perfect attendance, suffered from a congenital birth disorder and was not expected to live beyond the age of seven. Consequently, she spent two years confined to a hospital during her high school experience. Nonetheless, she was the first of my siblings to attend college; although, she passed away while in her second semester of her college experience. My parents provided an opportunity for each of their eight children to attend college and/or business/trade schools. Today, besides my sister who passed away while in college, three of us have matriculated and worked as teachers or business leaders. One of us is a senior level administrator in corporate America, another is a “self-made” entrepreneur. Additionally, one is a school secretary, and yet another is a business manager. From this description, it is plain to see that education was and is a priority in our home.

MPM: What do you think is the single most important indicator of overall student success?

Batiste: The single most important indicator of overall student success as I see it, is a student having a positive self-image of him or herself that communicates that he or she is happy with self and that other people believe in them and what they can do. I know that this was the case for me.

MPM: What message would you like to leave with parents?

Batiste: The message I would like to leave with parents is that it is their duty and responsibility to foster positive, self-esteem building experiences with and for their children. Although they may not always think that their young children are watching them, they are, and their memories of vivid experiences are incredible!

Carol Aleaxander-Lewis

Publisher of Modern Parents Magazine

GUIDELINES to a Successful Family-School Relationship

Let’s consider specific guidelines to help you communicate effectively with your child’s teacher.

Practice these guidelines, and your child will reap the benefits.

Guideline 1: Identify the purpose for the conference.

Is it to become acquainted? Is it to alleviate your concerns about your child’s attitude towards reading and school? Is it to receive a report card or test scores? Each of these situations is vastly different and requires different preparation.

Guideline 2: Communicate the purpose for the conference.

If you are requesting the conference, immediately tell the teacher the purpose. This helps to alleviate any preconceived ideas the teacher may have about your request to hold a conference.

Guideline 3: Arrange the conference at the teacher’s convenience.

The teacher now has sufficient time to plan and to have the necessary information at the conference. An unplanned conference can turn out to be a waste of time for both teacher and parent and cause feelings of frustration.

Guideline 4: Plan for the conference.

Write out the areas and questions you want the conference to cover. Combine, delete, and clarify these questions; and, finally, prioritize them. By using this process, your most important questions will be answered in a clear, succinct manner. Moreover, the teacher’s responses will likely be clearer and more to the point.

Guideline 5: Restate the purpose of the conference at the onset.

Try to stay on the predetermined topic(s) since your time together is limited.

Guideline 6: Display a positive attitude during the conference.

Be aware that not only what you say reflects your attitude, but also your tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. A loud voice may imply dominance. Rigid posture may suggest anger or disapproval. Always listen attentively and show your enthusiasm.

Guideline 7: Remain open and supportive throughout the conference.

Try not to become defensive or antagonistic; otherwise the outcome of the conference may be unfruitful. Strive for cooperation with your child’s teacher. Even if the teacher presents a negative side of your child’s behavior or informs you of other problems, try to remain objective. This can be difficult when it is your child, but he may experience as many or more difficulties if you and the teacher do not try to find a way to work together to solve these problems.

Guideline 8: Make sure suggestions are provided to increase your child’s growth.

If your child is doing well, find out what you can do to ensure continued success and progress. If he/she has difficulties, make sure the teacher goes beyond merely pointing out a problem. The teacher needs to provide ideas for eliminating or reducing the difficulty. Many parents become discouraged or aggravated if a teacher points out problems, but does not provide solutions. Do not allow this situation to occur. If immediate suggestions can not be provided, then a follow-up conference is needed.

Guideline 9: Ask for examples of daily work to better understand your child’s strengths and weaknesses.

By reviewing your child’s work, you will learn if progress has been made since the last conference. Have any weaknesses become more severe? If improvement has not been made, are other methods or materials an option? Inquire what you can do at home with your child.

Guideline 10: Clarify and summarize each important point as it is discussed.

Thus, both teacher and parent are better able to develop a mutual understanding and agreement. Let’s look at a conference in which a parent does a good job of clarifying and summarizing a major point.

Teacher: Kimberly has difficulties with oral reading. She is not reading smoothly and tends to read in a word-by-word fashion. If Kimberly reads along with a taped version of a book, her oral reading would improve. Can you provide Kimberly with taped versions of books?

Parent: Kimberly is a poor reader. Do you want me to make tapes of books so Kimberly can read along with the tapes?

Teacher: Yes, you can make tapes, but the public and school libraries can also provide you with tapes, cd’s and books. Also, I would like to clarify one point about Kimberly’s reading ability. She has some difficulty with oral reading, but I would not classify her as a poor reader.

Parent: Thank you for the clarification. Kimberly and I will work together on improving oral reading. We will check the school and public libraries for some books and recordings.

If the parent had not summarized and clarified what was heard in this conference, a misconception may have developed. By suggesting that she would record books for Kimberly, the parent was able to find out whether the suggestion was appropriate, as well as learning about alternatives. Notice that this parent summarized the conference at the end. As a result, both parties received the same message.

Guideline 11: Once agreement is reached, discuss the next topic.

During the conference, you may want the teacher to understand certain things about your child, or you may have a special request. Once your point is understood and the teacher has agreed, it is wise not to continue the same discussion. It may present new questions which may reverse your previous agreement. Once a decision is made, it is best to start discussing the next point. You will find the conference to be much more productive.

Guideline 12: Make sure you understand the information the teacher is supplying.

Often teachers use educational jargon, not realizing parents may not understand. Don’t be afraid to ask for an explanation or definition. Make sure when the conference ends you have understood all the information reported. If you are unclear or uncertain about any aspect of the conference, your child may not benefit and learning may be hindered. After all, don’t you encourage your child(ren) to ask questions when they do not understand? Simply follow your own advice here.

Guideline 13: Keep conferences short.

Conferences that run more than 40 minutes can be tiresome for both parent and teacher. If you can not accomplish all that has been planned, ask for another conference. By scheduling a future conference, you will have an opportunity to follow up on previous agreements and revise them, if necessary.

Remember, your child will benefit from an amicable, enthusiastic relationship between parent and teacher. One should function as the support system for the other. After all, this is one of the most important relationships you have as it relates to your child.

Carol Alexander-Lewis

Publisher of Modern Parents Magazine

FUN WAYS TO ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO READ

Reading can unlock the keys to a world of information. Parents are teachers, both by example and by conversation. Give children opportunities to play, to talk and to hear you talk to them. Listen to what they have to say and answer their questions. Read aloud to your child every day. These are fun activities that you can do with your child to encourage him or her to read and to reinforce the importance of school.

ABC Book. Compile plain white or colorful paper. Write one upper and lower case letter (A,a) onto each page. Have your child go through old newspapers or magazines and match each letter to a picture in the magazine. Cut out and glue each object onto a page. Compile and transform these pages into a memorable book.

Alphabet Hunt. Make a list of all the letters in the alphabet. Have your child identify household items that start with as many of the letters as possible.

Cartoons. Cut cartoon strips apart frame by frame. Have your child put them back in order and read the completed cartoon.

Concentration Games. Create a game using coupons. Children would need to match two similar products. The brand names of these products may differ, if you wish.

Create Stories. Makeup stories with your child. Alternate between parent and child in adding lines to the story.

Predict the Story Outcome. Flip through a picture storybook with your child and have him or her predict the story outcome from the pictures. Then go back and read the story to your child.

Newspaper Scavenger Hunt. Go through a newspaper and make a list of 10-15 items to find in the paper (i.e.-cartoons, sports statistics, a story about your city, weather data, picture of a government official, car ad, etc.)

Recipes. Pick out simple recipes and help your child make the recipes. Children should read the directions. This reinforces the need for math and reading skills.

Repetition. Have your child tell the story to you after you have read it to him or her.

Safety Walk. Take your child on a walk around the neighborhood or to a park. Point out signs and read what is on the signs (i.e.- house numbers, stop signs, street names, business names.) Have your child name pieces of safety equipment used in sports or play. Explain the safety need of each object.

These are just a few ways to reinforce the concept that reading is tied to all aspects of daily life. This sends the message that reading is important, impacts all areas of life and is not merely a school-based activity.

Nutrition During Pregnancy

While the term “eating for two” is a bit of an exaggeration, nutrient and calorie needs do increase considerably during pregnancy and while a new mother is breastfeeding. Particularly important are nutrients such as protein, calcium, iron and B vitamins, which growing babies need in plentiful supply. If you are pregnant, rather than focus on a few particular nutrients, you’ll want to follow the general guidelines for good eating by the Department of Agriculture’s Food Guide Pyramid. The Pyramid supports a diet based on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, and low-fat dairy foods.

While there are not many new studies looking at diet during pregnancy, a recent government report has created new guidelines about appropriate weight gain and nutrient supplementation that spell a major shift in the thinking about these two subjects. Perhaps the real cutting- edge scientific news for women who are pregnant is the impact of diet during the preconception phase. Numerous studies suggest that the amount of folic-acid rich foods you eat before you even become pregnant can have a huge impact on the health of your baby.
Speculation is that the overall quality of the diet prior to pregnancy may be just as important, if not more so, than what you eat during pregnancy.

Preconception Diet Planning
It’s well known that a poor diet during pregnancy can hinder a child’s capacity to learn and have a negative impact on a newborn’s behavior. Yet little research has been done to learn about how diet influences health prior to pregnancy and in the first few weeks of a pregnancy, when many women aren’t even aware of their condition. There are a few preliminary findings.

For instance, one recent study finds that a heavy alcohol intake prior to conception can result in a lower-birth-weight baby. (Lowest-birth-weight babies can be plagued with teaming and growth problems.) Numerous reports link a diet low in folic acid to increased risk for neural tube birth defects such as spina bifida.

Foods high in Folic Acid: spinach, asparagus, lima beans, broccoli, wheat germ, beets, cauliflower, orange, cantaloupe.

All the Right Foods
While pregnant women need to eat the same kind of foods that the rest of us do, they do need a little bit more of certain nutrients.

Protein-Although protein needs jump from 46 to 50 grams prior to pregnancy to 60 grams (during pregnancy) and 65 grams (while breastfeeding), most women already eat these higher levels of protein. (Americans tend to eat double the RDA for protein.) However, the difference, which amounts to about 10 to 15 grams for most women is easily met by adding an extra one and a half ounces of lean meat or 12 ounces of milk each day.

Calcium-Calcium needs jump an extra 400 milligrams during pregnancy and lactation. An extra glass of low-fat milk (which provides about 300 milligrams of calcium) almost meets this extra demand.

Vitamin A-Vitamin A is required for growth and normal development of the fetus. Studies suggest that the nutrient is also critical to the healthy immune system.
However, your requirements for this fat-soluble vitamin do not change during pregnancy. They do increase from 800 micrograms (retinol equivalents) to 1,300 while you are breastfeeding. Fortified milk and eggs are good sources of Vitamin A. In addition, the beta-carotene found in plants (bright orange fruits and vegetables such as carrots and cantaloupe; dark leafy greens such as broccoli and spinach) can be converted by the body to Vitamin A.

Vitamin C-Important to wound healing and healthy immune function, Vitamin C requirements increase slightly during pregnancy; needs are even higher during lactation. These increases are easily met with Vitamin-C-rich foods such as citrus fruit, strawberries, broccoli, and potatoes.

B Vitamins-Your need for these B vitamins-thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, and vitamins B and B12-is slightly higher during pregnancy and lactation. Rather than focus on each of these vitamins, which are widely available in foods, you can meet the increased demands by boosting your intake of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Fortified breads and cereals often contain several of these B vitamins.

Vitamin E-Important for normal neurological development, Vitamin E requirements increase only slightly during pregnancy. A fat-soluble vitamin found in vegetable oils, whole grains, nuts, and dark, leafy green vegetables, Vitamin E appears important to the healthy immune system.

Vitamin D-Since Vitamin D is needed for skeletal growth (strong bones), it’s no surprise that requirements for this nutrient are higher during pregnancy and lactation. If your skin is regularly exposed to small amounts of sunlight, the body can manufacture enough Vitamin D to meet these needs. Vitamin D can also be obtained from fortified milk and dairy products; make sure to choose the low or reduced fat variety.

Zinc-Critical for immune function, zinc is important during pregnancy and lactation. Your requirements will increase from 12 milligrams per day to 15 milligrams per day during pregnancy. Requirements increase to 19 milligrams during lactation. If you are eating lean meats and poultry, seafood, eggs, milk, and whole grains, it should be easy to meet these increased needs. Iron-Your need for iron doubles during pregnancy (from 15 milligrams per day to 30 milligrams). Some doctors prescribe iron supplements to help meet these requirements, but you can boost your intake with iron rich foods. Iron from meat is more readily absorbed than iron from vegetables.

Phosphorous-The mineral phosphorous is another nutrient critical for normal skeletal formation. It works in tandem with calcium and other nutrients such as magnesium to create strong bones, which is why needs increase during pregnancy and lactation. Good sources of phosphorous include dairy products, lean meats and poultry, fish, and whole grains.

Magnesium-Critical to strong bones, magnesium is also needed for normal muscle function and nerve transmission. Your needs will increase only slightly during pregnancy and lactation. The extra requirements are easily met through low-fat milk, meat, legumes, green vegetables, and whole grains.

The Health Nutrient Bible

25 Tips for a Green Pregnancy

Pregnancy is an ideal time to adopt a green lifestyle. Having a baby creates a natural change. By necessity, you’re getting rid of things to make room for baby, and bringing new items into your home. Prepare your home in advance to ease the transition.

Eat organic food. Your diet has great impact on your baby.
Have a green baby shower. Register for eco-friendly products, organic baby clothes, cloth diapers and nontoxic toys.
Paint the nursery with no-VOC paint.
Shop for second-hand baby clothes. Search out your local consignment stores and recycled children’s clothing stores.
Borrow big items, such as a car seat and high chair.
Shop locally for used gear such as a crib and baby furniture.
Switch to biodegradable and eco-friendly cleaning products.
Also, experiment with homemade cleaners such as baking soda, vinegar, and lemon.
Invest in a water bottle. It is important to stay hydrated throughout pregnancy and during the postpartum period.
Research eco-friendly personal care products.
Consider purchasing an organic crib mattress.
Invest in organic cotton bedding. Choose natural fibers and organic materials to protect your infant from pesticides and other chemicals.
Install a water softener. Soft water is good for your skin and the environment.
Install a water purifier.
Switch to eco-friendly laundry detergent. Preparing for baby means sorting, washing, and organizing tiny and adorable clothing. Wash all baby clothes in a gentle eco-friendly detergent to protect your baby’s skin. Also, do not use dryer sheets, as these can be irritating on soft skin.
Build your “mommy” wardrobe. Use eco-friendly materials such as organic cotton, bamboo and hemp.
Make a run to the recycling center. Dispose of old chemicals and electronics before baby arrives.
Invest in a sturdy stroller. Walking is an excellent way to burn off the baby weight, alleviate postpartum depression, and sooth a fussy baby.
Find a baby carrier that suits you.
Have a garage sale. Switch out plastic storage containers, plastic cutting boards, and plastic dinnerware and replace them with glass, wood, bamboo or ceramic.
Take a trip to the library. There are lots of great books on greening your lifestyle.
Start a garden. Squatting down in the garden is an excellent way to build muscles needed for birthing.
Visit your local farmer’s market. Start getting to know your local vendors now, and when you come by toting your new bundle of joy they will likely throw in an extra vegetable or two!
Shop for indoor plants. Plants recycle oxygen and break down pollutants.
Purchase a scanner. Cut through a pile of paperwork by scanning your documents.
Install energy efficient light bulbs, dimmers, timers, and light-sensors.
Greening your pregnancy is a great way to feel good about the choices you are making in preparation for your baby’s arrival. By implementing these tips during your pregnancy, you will have more time and energy to enjoy your baby in the days, weeks, and months ahead.

Joy Harkins is a new mom living in California. She blogs about simple clutter-free, debt-free, organized, green living at www.JustPlainJoy.blogspot.com.